Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Astro Shite for August 2012

Aries (21 March to 20 April)
Venus’ influence from 7 August to 6 September helps sweeten family relationships by dropping a lethal combo of arsenic and Sugarine into their cinnamon-infused skinny lattes. That should keep the relos off your back for the duration of the transit. The North Node activates your travel sector until 30 August. Destiny and soul purpose are themes for this month. The quest to find your spiritual home deepens, as you don a Zena Warrior Princess outfit from Basement Warehouse and prepare for some serious intrepid globetrotting.
Aries age association: 0 – 7 the age of singularity

Taurus (21 April to 20 May)
This month you will have to exercise some of that classic Taurean patience, and wait until 23 August for Mars to enter your love zone. Even Phil Collins can’t hurry love, and he should know. The North Node visits this section of the chart on 30 August to stay for eighteen months. Your relationships will take on a fated quality as you recognise your paramours from previous lives. Wax your jugs and push back your cuticles coz the hot lovers of yesteryear are back to nudge you stubborn bulls in life changing directions.
Taurus age association: 7 - 14 the age of innocence

Gemini (21 May to 20 June)
Mercury’s retrograde motion in the first week of August occurs in your ruling third house of communication. A little less conversation and a lot more action are needed from you chattering twins. The period after 8 August represents new beginnings. Venus will help revamp your tired, shabby, I’ve-been-scrubbing-the-toilet look to a sexy, sultry, I’ve-been-airbrushed-in-Photoshop image. The fated North Node travels through your seventh house of relationships until 30 August. Mars aligns with Saturn on 15 August. You will be taking lessons in love from the Universe, which will be tricky as know-it-all Gemini think they know-it-all.
Gemini age association: 14 - 21 the teen age

Cancer (21 June to 20 July)
This is the month for self-loving as Venus enters your sign on 8 August. Venus in Cancer enjoys pampering, so book for a complete overhaul at your beautician/surgeon/butcher/wrecker and watch the external synchronise with the internal. Mars forms a favourable aspect with the Full Moon on 31 August to lift you to a higher ground with the help of Stevie Wonder and The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Explore philosophies that inspire you through classic titles like: My Motherboard, Myself; I’m Dysfunctional, You’re Dysfunctional; and Life’s Just Not That Into You. This transit is about accepting that you’re boring but making it work for you.
Cancer age association: 21 - 28 the age of marriage

Leo (21 July to 21 August)
The New Moon in your sign on 18 August spells seed planting time, so get down ‘n’ dirty in the Garden of Paradise and bite the forbidden apple. It worked for Steve Jobs. A square from Venus to Uranus shows temporary separations from loved ones. This isn’t surprising as domestic agriculture can be addictive. You are called to take on leadership in family disputes when Mars energises your fourth house from 23 August. Venus triggers your spirituality zone on 7 August. Power meditation sessions held under this transit attract hippies, crusties, and hair scrunchies to your energy field.
Leo age association: 28 - 35 the age of parenthood

Virgo (22 August to 22 September)
Virgos will be elated to know that Mars and Saturn align in your financial house on 15 August. You get *serious* about money under this transit, and that turns you on. Venus energises your social sector from 7 August. Women’s groups interest you during this cycle, and not just as places to pick up. The Full Moon on 31 August in your relationship zone sends the Mystic Instructor who teaches you how to enjoy the present, live creatively, and not worry about the future – all the niggling little issues Virgos finds challenging.
Virgo age association: 35 – 42 the age of bachelor/spinsterhood

Libra (23 September to 23 October)
The period around 15 August when Mars and Saturn align in your sign is an ideal time for putting yourself first. As a planet that channels the ‘me first’ principle, Mars demands that you be less compromising and more authentic. Venus visits your work sector on 7 August for a performance review which wins you a Gold Logie. Hamish Blake gets nervous and you get the corner office with city views. Mars energises your money zone at the end of the month, attracting fiscal wizards like Donald Trump who can help you maximise your finances and sell you a tacky hairpiece at the same time.
Libra age association: 42 - 49 the age of recognition

Scorpio (24 October to 22 November)
Your traditional ruling planet Mars enters Scorpio on 23 August. This once-in-two-year influence is like spinach for Popeye in that it gives you courage and makes your muscles bulge. You’ll be fired up about zine-making. Enthusiasm and desire are powerful motivators and more productive than revenge and homicide. Expect fated events to occur when the North Node enters your sign on 30 August and hangs around until February 2014. This transit will be good, it will be bad, and it will be cringe-worthy like a spaghetti western, but the soundtrack is awesome.
Scorpio age association: 49 - 56 the age of introspection

Sagittarius (23 November to 22 December)
You’ll be viewing your romantic conquests through the rear view mirror of your Monaro when Venus leaves your love sector on 8 August. Mars triggers your spirituality house from 24 August. Forget the debauchery of the past few months and turn your attention inwards. This is a transit for developing intuition. Cutting back on superficial distractions gives you space to reflect and process events of the previous two years, which have gone your way as they usually do.
Sagittarius age association: 56 - 63 the age of spiritual enlightenment

Capricorn (23 December to 20 January)
The North Node enters your eleventh house of friendships at the end of August, drawing you closer to peeps who support you, while creating distance from those who waste your time and drag you down. Connect with new social and professional networks, and get LinkedIn. Special interest groups such as hunters and shooters’ parties, witches’ covens, and Dickheads Anonymous appeal to you now. Venus visits your love sector from 7 August. You will feel warm and fuzzy for most of the month knowing that your powers of attraction have accelerated to Justin Beiber status.
Capricorn age association: 63 - 70 the age of retirement

Aquarius (21 January to 17 February)
The Full Moon in your sign on 2 August highlights likeminded people literally tied together through a shared love of unconventional interests like underwater origami and necrophilia. Links from Jupiter and Uranus create the need to break routine. Mercury moves forward in your love sector after 8 August. The Gods send you a flighty but entertaining mate who bolts like Steve Moneghetti once they realise how dull you are. Mars triggers your career zone from 23 August. You get fired up and fired from your call centre job after leaving obscene noises and a Weird Al Yankovic music sample on your client’s message bank. Very mature.
Aquarius age association: 70 - 77 the age of second childhood

Pisces (18 February to 20 March)
Venus forms a trine to your Sun from 7 August, helping you tune into the beauty present in galleries, museums, ex-railway yards, and other wanky public sites. The Pisces Full Moon on 31 August charges your psychic powers so that you emit energy like a glow stick. You are mistaken for the Incredible Hulk, but that’s cool because divine service is the key to fulfilment this month. You touch the peeps, but not in that way. The North Node enters your ninth house on 30 August where it will stay until February 2014. Academic pursuits begin to shape your destiny in the second half of the year. Pipe dreams involving writing, teaching, or studying become possible. Impressive for a mute superhero who wears torn business pants, eh?
Pisces age association: 77 - 84 the age of death and rebirth