Why I hate the Age of Aquarius

'Everybody wants to be an individual, but Everybody Else does too'

                                                                                   - Don Walker, songwriter

Social media is beginning to bug me. Big time. I have difficultly passively accepting the twenty first century forms of communication, especially Facebook, and its dumbing-down of the richness and mysteries of life.

I cringe when I feel that I have to compete for attention amongst ‘friends’; bragging about the mediocre focaccia I ate at that hip ‘n’ cool inner west café, posting snapshots online of an unfinished meal that looks like the bottom of a well-used public toilet. I’m angered by this crap taking precedence over the human touch. I don’t apologise for the values that I have, but they sure are at odds with our culture. Whatever happened to spending quality time with love ones, hooking up with friends in the real world, pursuing passions that involve discipline and assiduousness, getting into music, getting into literature, getting into *life* … without succumbing to the sickness of compulsively documenting it online.

Obviously, I see the value of using the Internet and social networking sites shrewdly, otherwise I wouldn’t keep this blog going or create Astro Shite, but I am witnessing a disturbing trend of dumb and embarrassing cyber narcissism, and it saddens me. I’m perplexed by my reaction because I can’t work out where my place in all of this is, or whether I do have a place in the soap opera that is the virtual world.

Typically, I turn to astrology for answers. Now, that’s a language I understand. When a concept or an issue is explained in astro-speak, I get it. I can count on this ancient esoteric science to provide insights into modern life’s conundrums, altering my perspective so that I understand some of the madness. And it is madness. The mental disorder commonly referred to as ‘madness’ is governed by the sign Aquarius and its ruling planet, Uranus. Moreover, Uranus’ axis of rotation is tilted sideways. What delicious metaphors for the Age of Aquarius.

While astrologers dispute the timing of the Aquarian Age (that’s a blog post for another time), we can agree that its effects colour aspects of our lives, most notably through our dependency on the Internet. Technology and virtual reality are hallmarks of this epoch. Aquarius is the least human and least animal of the twelve astrological symbols: it lacks the empathetic nature of the Crab, Scorpion, and Fish; it can’t match the fiery actions of the Ram, Lion, and Centaur; and it’s repelled by the earthiness of the Goat, Bull, and Harvester. What we are left with when we deal with air signs – especially Aquarius – is spiritual, emotional, and physical detachment. Aquarius’ symbol of the Water Bearer is deceptive. The focus isn’t the water bearer but the urn of data, ideas, and mental activity that he carries and pours freely onto unsuspecting mortals, hence, the sign’s affiliation with technology.

In spite of the Utopian visions of the 1960s counter-culture, the Age of Aquarius has little to do with a spiritually oriented, love-sharing global community as typified by the song This is the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius and the musical Hair. In fact, the driving force of the Aquarian Age (and, therefore, modern society) is information. The biggest challenges we face are those of the mind. So far, it’s been a triumph for the airheads. Thanks to the likes of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian (who, incidentally, are air signs), the ‘famous for being famous’ syndrome now dominates popular culture. It is acceptable for unremarkable individuals to be entitled to wealth, fame, and adoration without possessing a noteworthy skill. The ethos of ‘earning your stripes’ is, like, so twentieth century. Get with the program, girlfriend.

The old social glue no longer sticks. Aquarius is more sociable and scene-conscious than emotionally engaging and altruistic. My own dealings with people are more impersonal and superficial than they were over a decade ago. Social networking sites cultivate this remoteness through inane sound bytes while fostering a ‘group trance’ mentality comparable to substance addiction. There is a price to pay. Castrated from the divine source, our spirit and bodies will rebel (if they haven’t done so already).

Fortunately, we can exercise free will in the way we choose to respond to the hype. The road to self-awareness and healing  is long. For humankind to reach the inner understanding essential for healthy co-existence, many Ages must pass. Nevertheless, we are entering a turning point in the evolution of human consciousness. Self-consciousness is a priority for the Aquarian Age citizen if we are to become capable members of the human race. To help navigate through the current challenges, Ray Grasse, author of Signs of the Times (Hampton Roads, 2002), offers a set of practical suggestions that might help keep us sane:

~ leave room for silence in your life ~ make space for living, organic organisms in your environment ~ maintain a compassionate heart ~ avoid being hypnotized by the 'group trance' ~ become self-reliant ~ take control of your everyday attitudes (that is, don't depend upon external events for inner fulfilment) ~

Astro Shite for August 2013

Aries
Your most potent period for love and romance starts 16 August, when Venus visits your seventh house. Under this transit, one-on-one relationships appeal to you more than casual flings. Your insufferable narcissistic personality disorder dissolves as you become willing to compromise and make peace with your significant other. The Mars cycle from 28 August supplies you with the drive and confidence to forge ahead with neglected zine projects.
Aries God: Mars

Taurus
Mercury supports desperately needed home renovation projects between 8 and 23 August, urging you to take action with that humpy you call home. Unfinalised decisions need to be settled and implemented around 28 August, when Mars muscles in on your comfort zone. You’ll be wordsmith extraordinaire when Mercury leaves your domestic sector for your creativity zone on 23 August. This transit establishes your place as the Oscar Wilde of the zine world, complete with a dapper silk smoking jacket and encyclopaedic knowledge of poke bonnets. Bugger me!
Taurus God: Bacchus

Gemini
Your ruling planet, Mercury, is at his mischievous best from 23 August. You’ll make a lasting impression in your two-toned Winklepickers, gold stovepipe pants, and skinny green tie. The Sun and Mercury combine forces to accentuate your personal sphere from 22 August. Under the Sun’s influence, you envision revamping your image along the lines of Aunty Jack or Tiny Tim. Make that dream happen with a fat suit and football socks.
Gemini God: Hermes

Cancer
The emotional tsunami that overwhelmed most Cancerians last month should dissipate, thanks to the New Moon on 6 August. Jupiter is doing his duty of expanding your pathetic little world by teaming up with Uranus around 16 August. Stay focused on your long-term vision by only accepting offers that align with your purpose. Venus visits your home environment mid-month. Beautify your Toowoon Bay hogan with shrunken heads and buffalo skins. Jupiter and Pluto face-off between 4 and 11 August. Like that John Travolta-Nicholas Cage film of the same name, the balance of power within your intimate relationships needs reworking. Now that I think of it, this may be the plot to an entirely different film, but you get my drift.
Cancer God: Indra

Leo
The Leo New Moon on 6 August highlights the Lion archetype. You may not be King of the Jungle, but you are King of Kongs Jungle Lounge. Sweet. Leadership and strength come readily after a few rounds of Flaming Lamborghinis. The New Moon aligns with Uranus, showing that unconventional ideas are the way forward. Break with tradition as you break wind. Mars follows Mercury into your sign. Progress is powerful as you observe the Rizzeria printer spit out a few of your DIY nuggets. Financial education becomes indispensable after 23 August. This transit should curb your extravagant spending habits to a certain degree, but I doubt it.
Leo God: Apollo

Virgo
Virgo, you’ll be chuffed to know that others will acknowledge your brainpower when Mercury enters your sign on 23 August. Hot damn, you make intelligence sexy! The Venus cycle from 16 August improves your financial situation. Finally, you’ll be able to restock your beauty and grooming pantry with roll-on wax, lime plaster, and sand paper for a more desirable you. Make the savvy move to splurge on modern art as an investment: Archipenko, Bobomazov, Diebenkorn, Hundertwasser, Nieuwenhuys, Rauschenberg … yeah, we get it; you know stuff.
Virgo God: Vulcan

Libra
The Sun-New Moon link of 6 August demands that you put old friendship dramas behind you. Turn over a new fig leaf with your mates and go nude kayaking together. Venus in your sign from 16 August morphs you into the Purple People Pleaser. You adapt your personality to suit others and lose your identity in the process. Look to your polar opposite, Aries, for tips on regaining your individuality by acting like a selfish git. Mars encourages you to step into leadership, Gangnam Style, from 28 August. Finding inner peace helps you deal with worldly situations when the Sun and Mercury infiltrate your spiritual zone from 23 August.
Libra God: Rama

Scorpio
Mars swings his dick through your professional sector from 28 August. You become an intolerable knob, as confidence and arrogance drives you to succeed at any cost. Mercury and the Sun energise your social sector from 23 August. Stand out from the crowd like a buffoon in a clown suit. After two demanding years of disciplined spiritual practise, Mercury and Venus lighten the load by drawing you into a weekend satanic cult. You quit after admitting that going Skyclad and sacrificing goats on a Sunday arvo’ isn’t really your scene.
Scorpio God: Shiva

Sagittarius
You are able to think quickly on your feet, thanks to favourable links from Mercury and Mars to your Sun. Finally, you have something noteworthy to say that doesn’t involve your impressive achievements or buff body. A need for freedom arises between 15 and 26 August under the Jupiter-Uranus link. Burn your tummy shape-wear garments and liberate yourself from restrictive situations. Your chosen life direction comes under scrutiny between 4 and 11 August with the Jupiter-Pluto opposition. If you have made compromises to go with the flow of dead fish, then this can be a time of frustration and bad hair days. Reclaim your power, follow your true calling, and eliminate those fishy smells with white vinegar.
Sagittarius God: Chiron

Capricorn
The Sun and Mercury invigorate your ninth house from 23 August. You seek a higher purpose that leads you to experiences beyond guerrilla photocopying and knitting tea cosies. The details of daily life bore you shitless under this transit. Whitening your teeth and itemising your Telstra bill are low on the list of priorities now that Mercury asks you to rethink your personal philosophy. Missing dental appointments, getting lost in your own home and other forms of amnesia are messages from the Universe requiring you to examine the Big Picture.
Capricorn God: Saturn

Aquarius
The Aquarius Full Moon on 21 August highlights the balance between personal passions and group connections. This eclipse raises questions regarding the value of individual talent if it’s not put to collective use. What a perfect cycle for you to astound the nation with your scat-gargling skills on Australia’s Got Talent. Venus shines under this Full Moon, so apply plenty of bronzer for that muddy Oompa Loompa look. Mercury enters your relationship zone on 9 August and asks that you remove lipstick from your teeth before snogging that bogan from Bexley.
Aquarius God: Vishnu

Pisces
The Sun and Mercury light up your house of romance from 23 August. If you have been neglecting your intimate relationships, this transit propels you to pay particular attention to them. If you’re single, cut back on work, Zumba classes, and Four’N Twenty pies to focus on meeting new people. You’ll have success after 23 August with Mercury ensuring that crafty pick-up lines will get your leg over.
Pisces God: Mithras

Water Grand Trine

'I look backwards because that's how I know who I am' - Jeff Jawer, astrologer

While anoraks of the Underground wet themselves over International Zine Month, July has been a challenging time for Yours Truly and, I guess, countless other sensitive, crabby Cancerians. If you were born under the signs of Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, you may have been feeling dazed and confused thanks to the emotional tsunami that is the Water Grand Trine. Fortunately, Mercury went direct on 20 July, supplying me with the rational head space to write about the scariest (and cheesiest) of topics - feelings. Yikes!

The Grand Trine is an aspect involving three planets of the same element (in this instance, the element of Water). Since Jupiter's ingress into the constellation of Cancer on 25 June, and Saturn's direct motion in Scorpio from 7 July, these planetary heavyweights moved forward to form the trine with Neptune in Pisces, the effects of which peaked around mid-month. Collectively, the Grand Trine is the purest expression of an element. A Water Grand Trine asks that we drop our defences and admit our vulnerability. It's an aspect that possesses the most in-depth creative potential. Reactions to life events are usually at a personal or subconscious level, making all this touchy-feely business spiritually and psychologically draining at times. Musician, Kurt Cobain, was born with a Water Grand Trine, the talents of which he used both productively and destructively within the too-short time frame of his life.

The Water element is connected to the Occult - the hidden aspects of our life experience. With Jupiter in Cancer, divine homesickness and our need to feel safe expand. Cancer symbolises our past and family roots. Mercury in Cancer (especially the retrograde motion) compels us to look back because that's where our identity germinated. Acknowledging the power that our personal history sometimes has over us is a strong theme, because without the past, we are blank slates.

I recently had a conversation with my Cancerian father who was perplexed by constant thoughts of his childhood in suburban, post-war Sydney. He lamented the loss of traditional values which are now unidentifiable and irrelevant to modern Australians: community spirit, altruism, decorum, a pioneering hardiness ... this pining for the 'good old days' is a classic Cancer premise which plays out beautifully under the current transits.

Traditionally, trines are seen as effortless to express and easy to work with, however, a trine in water signs involving Jupiter indicates 'flooding', both metaphorically and literally, because of the planet's excessive nature. Water is an active element but only in response to its environment. Saturn in Scorpio demands that we put a container around unharnessed feelings and work with them rather than have them overwhelm us in a powerless and passive way. It's an ideal time to examine where our fears and doubts lie and how they sabotage our plans for a fulfilling life. Saturn is character building. It brings us the humility to accept the restraints of our experience. We can reject the commercial seductions of our culture - no one 'has it all'; we all own a God Shaped Hole yearning to be filled with the things you can't buy on eBay: meaning and purpose.

I guess part of the emotional upheaval is that the Water Grand Trine struggles to function effectively amid the dynamic, revolutionary, and sometimes dangerous energy of the Uranus square Pluto transit. The challenge for us water babies is learning how to move between comfort and change without being besieged. Longing for a safe and often idealised past is my coping mechanism of choice.

Astro Shite for July 2013

Aries
A little effort goes a long way, thanks to Mars and Jupiter supporting your plans between 19 and 24 July. Risky choices pay off as you turn tests into opportunities. Last month’s domestic theme continues with large-scale developments of the Lend Lease kind. This will be your most dynamic period this year. Don’t bother leaving the house – all the action you need will be found under your roof. Mercury and the Sun join forces in your fifth house from 23 July, triggering productive zine-making activity. I feel a Golden Stapler Award coming on …
Aries with Lead Singer Disease: Steve Tyler (Aerosmith)

Taurus
Saturn goes direct in your relationship zone on 7 July. Grow up and take the time to understand and develop your significant relationships. This month’s potent transits involving the personal planets of Mercury, Venus, and Mars will begin a cycle that will carry you into October. You begin to value the aesthetics of your abode, and if the energy is unbalanced, the Universe will bless you with skills to create a harmonious and stable domestic atmosphere. This is an ideal transit for earning income from home (bedroom zine distro anyone?).
Taurus with Lead Singer Disease: Bono (U2)

Gemini
Neptune arouses your desire to be of service through your work between 14 and 20 July. To the detriment of economic liberalism, you take from the greedy and give to the needy like a modern day Ben Hall with computer hacking skills. The Mars-Jupiter combo from 13 July is your most active money period this year. You’ll be a financial force to be reckoned with after reading Kochie's Creating and Building Real Wealth Like An Annoying Morning Show Presenter.
Gemini with Lead Singer Disease: Prince (Prince)

Cancer

The New Moon in your sign on 8 July is emphasised by the transits of Jupiter and Mercury. ‘Self-love’ and ‘self-care’ are strong themes this month. Mars enters Cancer on 14 July, bringing a six-week boost of energy and confidence to any zine project you undertake. Build it and they will come. The Sun’s transit transforms you into a dynamo and you are mistaken for laundry detergent.
Cancer with Lead Singer Disease: Courtney Love (Hole)

Leo

The Full Moon in your relationship house on 23 July illuminates the grand trine between Saturn, Neptune, and Jupiter. Romantic possibilities present themselves on a cheese platter. This transit has a masculine tone that propels you to scratch your balls and blast the arse trumpet occasionally. Mars joins Jupiter in your spiritual zone from 13 July. This cycle is about release, so wherever you may be, let your air go free.
Leo with Lead Singer Disease: James Hetfield (Metallica)

Virgo

Venus enters you sign on 23 July. Express love for your better half by making mental notes of their likes (Tee Vee chocolate biscuits) and dislikes (Italian-style artichokes). You’ll be wired to communicate your feelings openly and honestly under this transit. Mars demands that you take charge and organise a zine collective at the dark end of the local public library. The Sun and Mars follow each other through your spirituality sector from 22 July. Allow empty space to fill that over-stimulated mind of yours and pause …
Virgo with Lead Singer Disease: Liam Gallagher (Oasis, Beady Eye)

Libra
This month, think less and do more. The rare meeting of Mars and Jupiter in your tenth house stresses that you act on life direction. This is an ideal cycle for launching professional projects. Try new strategies in the office, like hovering around the photocopier with a peacock feather up your arse. Work-related study and travel are possible after impressing senior management with your shimmering plumage.
Libra with Lead Singer Disease: David Lee Roth (Van Halen)

Scorpio

Saturn goes direct in your sign on 7 July. You are free to move forward in your quest for intimacy and control, only now you possess insight into the subliminal impulses that drive you. The Sun shines in your tenth house from 22 July. Recognise your need for authority without acting like a complete bastard. It can be done. Your financial situation should stabilise around 13 July. Set healthy money limits by sleeping throughout July. Mars and Jupiter provide that once-in-a-lifetime experience mid-month. Wake up and live the dream.
Scorpio with Lead Singer Disease: Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Sagittarius
The grand trine involving your ruler (Jupiter) signals spiritual evolution, especially between 13 and 20 July. Develop intuitive skills. Follow your instincts. Chant a lot. You’ll be able to harmonise with external situations that you once found too daunting to manage. The Sun activates your ninth house from 22 July. Like a true Sagittarian, you have your eye on the horizon. Your thirst for knowledge extends beyond the random Googling of facts. Outshine radio 2GB disciples in your quest for wisdom by venturing beyond the Big Motherfuckin’ Sad.
Sagittarius with Lead Singer Disease: Jim Morrison (The Doors)

Capricorn

The Saturn-Jupiter-Neptune trine uplifts your spirits like a few cold cases of Monteith’s Summer Ale. You take on the world with a new perspective before crashing and snoring. Boldly approach that Neanderthal you fancy under the Mars transit on 13 July. Sometimes you just gotta grab ‘em by the pubes and drag ‘em back to your cave. This cycle sets you up romantically for the next two years. Holiday flings are likely under the Venus transit from 22 July.
Capricorn with Lead Singer Disease: Paul Stanley (KISS)

Aquarius

July is the month of turning points, thanks to the Jupiter-Neptune-Saturn trine. Saturn helps restructure your working life. Finally, peeps appreciate that you are Very Busy and Important. Take the time to plan professional goals. Consider where you would like to be in seven years, and take the first steps now. The Full Moon in your sign on 23 July reminds you to focus on your significant other, because ‘you’re not a camel’ … or is that ‘you can’t live on bread alone’? Whatever.
Aquarius with Lead Singer Disease: Axl Rose (Guns n Roses)

Pisces

The grand trine will affect how you go about your bees wax between 13 and 24 July. This is a powerful period of growth and evolution. Focus on your heart’s desire. Mars joins Jupiter on 13 July for intense creativity. Self-expression grows as you don a raspberry beret and grow a Chinstrap. The secret to success is to keep moving and not be side-tracked by Facebook notifications. You will feel the love from 22 July when Venus transits your seventh house. Shape up romantically by shedding that frumpy onesie and squeezing into a sexy satin Babydoll.
Pisces with Lead Singer Disease: Pete Doherty (The Libertines, Babyshambles)

Astro Shite for June 2013

Aries
Expect mildew to invade the space where you live when Jupiter makes himself at home on 26 June. Exit Mould can’t save your abode once lime scale growth the size of James Packer’s fully erect donger, the Barangaroo development, takes over. Relationships will depend on suggestive communication techniques when Venus connects to Mercury. Ditch the politically correct vernacular and experiment with edgy language as endorsed by Urban Dictionary.
Aries career choices: entrepreneur, athlete, architect

Taurus

Jupiter improves your financial situation until 26 June. The celestial giant brings recognition of your zine making talents, so take advantage of this transit and flog your DIY masterworks to the converted. The key element is Self Belief. Venus stimulates your fourth house after 26 June. Be mindful not to smother that special someone. The phrase ‘Bunny Boiler’ springs to mind.
Taurus career choices: chef, painter, farmer

Gemini

Mercury forms a T-square alignment between Pluto and Uranus. Flashes of insight, like the interior of Timothy Leary’s head, occur throughout the month. In the vein of digital radio, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out. A Mars-Neptune square highlights the struggle between action and indolence. Jupiter enters your financial sector on 26 June. Expect Big Money Action to transpire, but heed the Mercury retrograde slamming the breaks on extravagant spending; it’s protecting you from a fate worse than debt.
Gemini career choices: journalist, teacher, zinester

Cancer

Cancer, this is your month. Mercury and Venus move into your sign in the first week, followed by Jupiter on 26 June. A new twelve-year cycle begins. Projects initiated under this transit have the opportunity to expand and succeed over the next few years. The grounding Capricorn Moon on 23 June brings a relationship reality check. The Sun forms a grand trine with Saturn and Jupiter, activating the right side of your brain. The Universe is telling you to quit acting like a shitbag and start c-r-e-a-t-i-n-g, dude.

Cancer career choices: counsellor, restaurateur, domestic god/goddess

Leo

Venus moves into your sign on 28 June. Find it in your trademark Heart-of-Gold to forgive that sorry soul who will never reach the heights of Fabulousness that you inhabit. Avoid chocolate-dipped Churros around 20 June, before the Sun-Jupiter link has a chance to expand your waistline. Jupiter leaves your social scene on 26 June to retreat deep into your twelfth house. Grow a beard and put on hemp sandals; this cycle brings opportunities to eradicate self-destructive fears and tendencies while cooking a mean lentil hot pot.

Leo career choices: actor, beautician, office manager

Virgo

In the spirit of this Wide Brown Land of ours, Mercury moves backwards from 25 June. You’ll be communicating like a bumbling idiot on Xanax, so avoid speaking unless you’re asking for directions to the nearest public toilet. Jupiter sheds light on group activities from 26 June. Experience the magic when you align with like-minded individuals who share your enthusiasm for Auslan and Bloody Knuckles. Your energy levels take a dive under a twelfth house transit. Like the Hermit in the Rider-Waite Tarot deck, you retreat into your cave containing bottles of Howard Hughes’ urine. Nice.

Virgo career choices: yoga instructor, editor, accountant

Libra

A once-in-twelve-year professional cycle begins on 26 June when Jupiter enters your tenth house. Expect large scale career growth, that is, you finally get a job. Congratulations. The Mercury retrograde motion throws you the nitty-gritty questions during job interviews, however, the Sun-Mercury-Venus link ensures that you turn on the Libran charm with your Colombian smile and cocaine nose job. Uranus guarantees that your zine mates will help you retain your DIY edge amid the mediocrity of selling out.

Libra career choices: interior decorator, hairdresser, diplomat

Scorpio

Scorpio, you should be cashed up and ready for a well earned break, thanks to Jupiter’s influence over your finances and his ingress into your travel zone on 26 June. The desire to get away intensifies once the Sun, Mercury, and Venus join Jupiter the area of the birth chart described by astrologer, Dana Gerhardt, as ‘our personal alps, where the spirit soars, the mind expands, and life acquires new meaning’. You’ll be keen to explore uncharted territories from the window of an uncharted bus. Endeavours that broaden the scope of your wretched life are crucial for personal growth now. Get excited, buddy; a new adventure awaits you!

Scorpio career choices: plastic surgeon, drug lord, detective

Sagittarius

Your ruling planet, Jupiter, moves into the constellation of Cancer on 26 June, triggering a twelve month cycle of growth in the area of other people’s resources. A tax rebate of three bucks may come your way. Spend it wisely. This is an excellent time to develop and establish a financial strategy that will pay dividends when you’re one hundred and eighty four years old. With Venus forming a trine to your Sun, you’ll live up to personal expectations effortlessly. Others see you as someone to lean on, and you are more than capable of helping others during a crisis. The New Moon on 9 June brings novel energy to a stale relationship. It’s as if you’re spooning a new partner every evening. Now, isn’t that the Sagittarian way?

Sagittarius career choices: tour guide, lawyer, book publisher

Capricorn

Follow-through in relation to DIY projects strengthens under the Full Moon on 23 June. A twelve-month love cycle begins on 26 June. You’ll find it easy to attract a mate under this transit, so kiss goodbye your solo Saturday night ritual of demolishing Kettle Chips while watching Death In Paradise. Mercury provides you with the social skills to bedazzle others with bullshit, while Venus ensures that you’re respectable enough to leave the house in the first place.

Capricorn career choices: stockbroker, administrator, economist

Aquarius

Jupiter enters your routine and well being sector on 26 June. Reconnect with daily rituals such as brewing the perfect pot of Twinings, and observe how it fits into life’s big picture. Understand the long-term impact work habits have on your health. Learn to say ‘no’ to The Man occasionally; it may save your hair. A Neptune transit signals that you’re unlikely to see the truth about your financial dealings with a Nigerian doctor you met on the Internet.

Aquarius career choices: aviator, scientist, astrologer

Pisces

Pisces, this month is all about having fun while pursuing your craft. Favourable links from Jupiter and Venus to your Sun indicate that zine making will be arty but substantial, delicate but poetic, underground but prevalent. The Mercury retrograde has you penning offbeat poetry that makes the Beat poets sound about as interesting as Channel Seven news readers.

Aquarius career choices: musician, fishmonger, psychic healer

Astrobabble at Red Eye Records

 

I took copies of Astrobabble into Red Eye Records the other week, expecting to be mocked for my star gazing obsession by the hipsters who work there. Surprisingly, the amiable young Nick who served me was enthusiastic about stocking Astrobabble. Hurrah!

As you can see from the image above, issues Kurt C, Nick C, and Andy W proudly take their places within Red Eye's expanding zine collection that includes iconic DIY publications such as Stitches In My Head, Distort, and my fave, Born Loser, for which I was unable to find a link. Damn. Nestled on the next shelves are zines by Vanessa Berry, SCAR, and Tinman Johnson who creates the too cute Harvey the 29th. It's nice to be among friends.

Astro Shite for May 2013

Aries
The Full Moon Eclipse in your travel sector on 25 May highlights the spirit of adventure. Explore exotic locations like Roppongi or Mildura to the fullest. The purpose of this transit is to drop you in uncharted physical spaces that trigger alternative mental perspectives (kinda like listening to Severed Heads through a defective clothes dryer). Ingest shavings of raw ginger to combat motion sickness as you move your lazy arse from the couch to destinations that require medical jabs for Green Monkey Disease.
Aries politician: Nick Minchin

Taurus

Taurus, this is the month to curb your stubborn streak. The Universe demands that you adopt a flexible attitude to attract opportunities that you would otherwise dismiss out of rigidity. Links between the New Moon Solar Eclipse and the South Node help restructure your physical space with exasperating flat-pack shelving. Good luck with that. Venus and Mercury combine with Jupiter between 27 and 30 May. Strike a deal with Eddie Obeid to create wealth in the most scandalous way possible. Stash your cash in offshore tax havens with the help of Mars from 31 May.

Taurus politician: Bill Shorten

Gemini

Networking skills are enhanced when Mercury enters your sign between 2 and 15 May, and is joined by Venus on 10 May. The eclipse on 25 May in your relationship zone emphasises the joy and excitement of being in leeerrrrve. The Moon highlights your inner world of feelings, which is in contrast to the cluster of planets in erudite Gemini. Develop your gut instinct and listen with your heart. Mars adds Drive to your laundry load after 31 May for extra softness and freshness. Focus on artistic inspiration on 30 May when Neptune improves your hairdo with fluoro dip-dyed ends. Cool.

Gemini politician: Bob Katter

Cancer

Mercury activates your first house at the end of the month, making it easier for you to overcome your natural shyness. Your recreational zone receives the gift of Saturn, so you’ll have to seriously ask yourself whether you’re having fun yet. Commit to zine-making, or schedule regular swap meets with like-minded dorks. Under Saturn’s influence, practical tools such as long arm staplers, UHU glue sticks, and comfort-fit scissors take on great significance. Don’t dis them; they are the gateway to a higher calibre of DIY. Let the inner revolution begin when Mars slips into your spirituality house on 31 May. Your spirit seeks rest, diversion, and a packet of pretzels to go with that beer.

Cancer politician: Wayne Swan

Leo

The eclipse in your tenth house on 10 May illuminates your true calling. If you are employed in a job that feeds your gut but not your soul, now is the time to get fired by bouncing around the office in a flesh-coloured body stocking. Yikes! Despite this disturbing image, you still manage to ooze Leo charm under the Venus transit on 10 May. You’ll be especially popular when Jupiter and Venus align between 26 and 29 May, and the body stocking slips off after a few bottles of Rekorderlig. Despite what the Fun Police say, living the good life with your mates is still a legal activity the last time I checked.

Leo politician: Joe Hockey

Virgo

Kill your face with a refining fruit acid facial when Venus squares your Sun on 10 May. It could mean the difference between looking like Kerry Ann Kennelly or Kerry Packer. Mars activates your career zone after 31 May, boosting your confidence at work. May is the month for professional change and progress if you’ve outgrown your current job. Communication and strategic skills come effortlessly under a Mercury transit from 10 May; you’ll be able to juggle different commitments simultaneously. The Lunar Eclipse in your domestic sector on 25 May helps create harmony between home concerns and your public life. Who says that you can’t have it all?

Virgo politician: Kate Ellis

Libra

Mercury accelerates your professional life on 31 May by networking and multi-tasking with abandon. The Winged Messenger joins Jupiter in your travel zone from 15 May for one of your best globetrotting phases this year. Whatever journey you embark on under this transit needs to be meaningful. You gain clarity about your place in the world while marooned on Clive Palmer, who you mistake for an atoll off the Queensland coast.

Libra politician: Julia Gillard

Scorpio

The key word for Scorpio this month is deep. With Mercury occupying your love zone between 2 and 15 May, and Venus entering your eighth house mid-month, you are propelled to form deep connections with a significant other. Like organically grown herbs, this deep relationship contains healing properties that go a long way to revitalising a tired old tart such as yourself. You’ll be inclined to smooth over personal differences for the sake of a deep union. The sharing of money, power, intimacy, and other deep issues are intensified by this month’s transits. Pretty deep, isn’t it?

Scorpio politician: Tony Abbott

Sagittarius

Mars brings fire to your love life on 31 May, but not before Venus aligns with Jupiter between the sheets on 26 May. This romantic period harmonises with the Sagittarius eclipse on 25 May. A Sagittarius Moon finds emotional stability in faith. You’ll receive flashes of inspiration from a creepy guy planted behind a Magnolia bush. Go with it. Find a mate who’ll be your fellow traveller, but protect your emotional freedom. Nothing frustrates a Centaur more than being smothered by someone who is not as hot as they are. Ask Woody Allen. Then again, don’t.

Sagittarius politician: Tanya Plibersek

Capricorn

The Saturn-Neptune link on 30 May supplies you with compassion. Your softer side emerges from the career-climbing-bastard-in-a-suit persona you present to the world. Drop your defences and your daks and show loved ones how you really feel. Renew creative plans under the eclipse on 10 May. Let go of unfulfilled pipe dreams and focus on what’s possible now.

Capricorn politician: Sarah Hanson Young

Aquarius

The period between 26 and 29 May is gratifying, thanks to Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter forming favourable aspects to your Sun. Forge creative partnerships with other zine dudes, and embark on your Big Creative Adventure armed with ideas and Crayola markers. Old family soap operas like The Sullivans and Sons and Daughters croak under the 10 May eclipse. Any activity that thrusts you into a future that looks like Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is more than okay with you.

Aquarius politician: Eric Abetz

Pisces

The eclipse on 25 May invigorates your career zone. This transit exposes your true colours at work. Be bold and tell your boss where he can stick his revised Excel spread sheet. The Venus-Jupiter link on 10 May inspires you to make your domestic environment prettier. Finalise your living arrangements between 15 and 31 May, before the package deals end at Fantastic Furniture.

Pisces politician: Anthony Albanese