The Cardinal Grand Cross

April 2014 heralds a rare astrological event. The ongoing square between Uranus in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn peaks when Jupiter in Cancer and Mars in Libra participate to form a Cardinal Grand Cross. These planets create a stressed, crucifix pattern: two pairs oppose each other and two pairs square each other. This challenging configuration indicates a demand to confront and transform established social and political structures that are corrupt and broken.

The Cardinal Grand Cross is shaped by these aspects and plays out in the following way:

• Uranus square Pluto: radical social, economic and political upheaval, national debt crises, sexism and gender issues, racism and ethnic cleansing, intolerance
• Jupiter opposite Pluto: extreme philosophies, fundamentalism, megalomania
• Jupiter square Uranus: dangerous ideas, cult leaders, religious instability
• Mars square Pluto: power struggles, military action, destruction, enemies
• Mars opposite Uranus: impulsiveness, rebellion, ambushes, explosions
• Mars square Jupiter: risk taking, tactless manoeuvres, rash actions, accidents and injuries

The T-Square of Jupiter, Uranus and Pluto lasts all of April, peaking on 23 April 2014. Any restlessness caused by Uranus will be exaggerated by Jupiter. Pluto will intensify this transit further, resulting in a crisis of sorts (observe the political conflicts in Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Sudan, and the Ukraine, for example).

 

Moreover, the climax of this Cardinal Grand Cross takes place between two eclipses: a Lunar Eclipse on 14 April 2014 followed by a Solar Eclipse on 28 April 2014. Traditionally, the Lunar Eclipse is a time to release old wounds and fears, and transcend negative patterns that delay personal development. The Full Moon in the Air sign of Libra is reflecting the light of the Sun in the Fire sign of Aries. This Eclipse is about acknowledging others (Libra) and recognising that they mirror our own actions, beliefs, and expectations (Aries). Gandhi’s quote, ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’, applies now. It’s a call to Humanity to set aside our differences and embrace our commonality to create the society we want to live in.

 

The Solar Eclipse on 28 April 2014 is a time to reflect on how past actions have influenced present circumstances. Both the Moon and Sun are in the Earth sign of Taurus, bringing determination, focus, and an old school work ethic to achieving goals. As we move into this New Moon, creating a ‘gratitude list’ of the things that make us ‘wealthy’ (both material and spiritual) and how we can share that wealth with others is worthwhile. Making this commitment to share our wealth, however we define it, creates a practical vision for an ideal world.

 

We are already witnessing a groundswell of change. The March in March event which took place in major Australian cities around 16 March 2014 is one example. Frustrated by the status quo, ordinary people showed their distrust and disgust with current social, political and religious frameworks by taking to the streets in peaceful protest. Despite bias reporting by mainstream news agencies, it wasn’t a Big Day Out for the lunatic fringe but the coming together of all people demanding ‘outings of truths’ within religious organisations, global corporations, and political institutions.

 

It's crucial that a docile society such as Australia cultivates the art of galvanising radical change before we lose what freedoms we have left. Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. The struggle for individual rights will endure possibly until Pluto’s ingress into the constellation of Aquarius in 2023. In the interim, progress is possible if we resolve old problems with new methods. Nowhere is this message stronger than in the workings of the Cardinal Grand Cross.

Astro Shite - 2014 Overview

Aries
Your ongoing experiment with self-discovery continues this year, thanks to Uranus, the planet of sudden transformations. Explore unconventional practises like fermenting your urine to the sounds of Einsturzende Neubauten in the name of performance art. Jupiter activates Uranus in your sign twice in 2014 (between February and May, and then September to October). The surprises will be colossal, they will be unpredictable, and they will be electrifying. You never thought Clive Palmer and his dinosaurs could be this much fun, did you?
Aries strengths: dynamic, brave, initiating

Taurus
The action happens in the second half of 2014 with Saturn and Jupiter working together rather cordially. Finally, long held plans for change come to fruition. Jupiter brings progress to stagnant domestic situations, while relationship lessons are best understood with the help of wise Saturn. Adopt a flexible attitude when organising your daily routine. Ditch the Coolendar app and plan your days around your feelings and The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Taurus strengths: diligent, persevering, solid

Gemini

This year’s themes are productivity and apprenticeship. Based on the movements of Saturn and Jupiter, you’ll require sustained effort to get out of bed and put on your pants. Focus on professional planning in the first half of the year by consulting Mark Bouris on how to master a smug and superior attitude. Mercury parks his butt in your sign for an extended stay, stimulating your mind with stimulating peeps on stimulants. Jupiter’s influence clears any writer’s block that may be holding you back, so 2014 should be a productive zine making year for many Twins.
Gemini strengths: multifaceted, adaptable, sharp

Cancer

If you’ve blown all your cash on Craps and Baccarat over the Christmas period, take stock. This year, a fresh money cycle begins under Jupiter to save you from financial ruin. Personal development is another hot topic. Ouch! Check-in with yourself and see what areas need improving. Return those upper arms to the tuck shop lady, and exchange pies and lattes for Pilates. Don’t wait for external forces to bump you along; be bold and initiate change. David Bowie once said ‘turn and face the strange’, which means he wants you to look at Noel Fielding.
Cancer strengths: intuitive, imaginative, devoted

Leo

Jupiter enters your sign in the second half of the year, jump starting a twelve-year cycle of growth and adventure. You have renewed faith in humankind; Scorpios and Virgos think you’re a sucker. 2014 could be the year when you get the hell out of the country before Tony Mokbel catches up with you. Your days of living inside a whiskey barrel will cease when Saturn provides domestic stability. You move into a Kevin McCloud-approved bunker carved into the side of a grassy knoll in Winchester. The second half of 2014 sees many Leos achieving success with major projects. You will be at your most powerful, moving mountains and grassy knolls with poise and ease.
Leo strengths: benevolent, loyal, robust

Virgo

2014 is like two years rolled into one for the efficient Virgo. The first half of the year will be busy and outgoing. By July, external activities slacken and the remainder of 2014 takes on a reflective tone. Mars activates productivity, so you’ll achieve more than usual, despite the fluctuating external situation. This isn’t the year to chill out in the kidney-shaped swimming pool while listening to Daft Punk and sipping Pepsi. Take on the perzine challenge of our time, which is to create a zine for every day of the year without going crazy. Neptune eases the stiffness in your mind and heart, enabling you to take a soulful approach to romance for a change. Marvin Gaye would be proud.
Virgo strengths: refined, self-effacing, secure

Libra

With Mars and the Karmic North Node inhabiting your sign this year, life-changing choices are possible if you are considering reinventing yourself like Jocelyn Wildenstein. Rad! Major events throughout 2014 will have a touch of destiny about them. If you experience de-ja-vu repeatedly, then you’ve been there before. The Gods want you to re-visit lost passions and re-ignite them with bangers and pinwheels. Mars triggers your sign for the first time in over thirty years. Assertive-compliance issues will be on the agenda. Restore the balance between other people’s needs and your own.
Libra strengths: aesthetic, charming, tactful

Scorpio

2014 will be a year of extremes. Fortunately, that’s the way you like it. Anything else would be, well, in between. Mars activates the personal sphere of your solar chart. Achieving mastery over you mind and subconscious actions is a predominant theme. Your professional world expands in the second half of 2014. A job change, promotion, pay rise, or exploring a second career are all possible after July. Distance yourself from superficial relationships, no matter how good they look in latex, and pour your efforts into fundamental concerns. Your actions will determine future success. I guess they always do.
Scorpio strengths: cryptic, erotic, committed

Sagittarius

A mid-year shift by Jupiter brings action, adventure, and that ring of confidence often found in toothpaste commercials. Financial matters are a priority until July. Sorting your pecuniary dramas ensures that you’ve got time and money to play with later in the year. Your career zone will be one of your least active, which is a blessing considering the flying trapeze routine you’ve been trying to perfect since Christmas.
Sagittarius strengths: sanguine, animated, adventurous

Capricorn

Every eight years, Venus extends her stay in your sign. This cycle gives you the opportunity to take advantage of the Love Goddess and enhance the romance in your life. Overhaul your appearance so that the outer reflects the inner you. Sorry, but turtlenecks and wombat sleeves are definitely *out* under this transit. You’ll spend ample time in the public domain thanks to Mars and the North Node, so you don’t want to prance around like a Frank Thring wardrobe disaster.
Capricorn strengths: dependable, pragmatic, sagacious

Aquarius

Life gets busy for the Water Bearer from July onwards. A new cycle in love and relationships begins under Jupiter, while Mars and Saturn combine to help you power forward professionally. Overall, 2014 is shaping up to be a sound year, and there isn’t more I can add to that.
Aquarius strengths: unique, unconventional, gregarious

Pisces

That cliché ‘your health is your wealth’ will apply to many Pisceans this year, now that Jupiter asks to focus on well being. Uranus, Mars and the North Node combine to help reshape your finances in unconventional and innovative ways (think bitcoin). The Universe throws you in the spotlight for most of 2014. You’ll crave excitement and danger where work is concerned. Admiring your office furniture and developing ‘computer shoulder’ are not part of the script. Get involved in physical action like tree lopping or garbage collecting. Have the courage to follow your instincts on leads that are thrown your way.
Pisces strengths: psychic, gentle, tolerant

Tarot Magic

My recent trip to Melbourne for the Festival of the Photocopier included a visit to Sticky, located in the Flinders Street tunnel under Degraves Street. Visiting the shop in person, as opposed to online, is a far more valuable way of keeping abreast of new titles and zine news. Unfortunately, I have to travel all the way from Sydney to do it. It was worth it though, as the amiable Fulsome Prism (who staffs the shop) introduced me to some choice zines, one of which was Bastian Fox Phelan’s latest offering, Tarot Magic.

Naturally, I got excited about the existence of an esoteric zine that wasn’t mine. I’m unaware of other DIY titles that cover arcane subjects, so discovering Tarot Magic was a bit of a revelation. As the author expresses in the opening page, ‘this zine is an unapologetic love letter to the deck of cards that helped me become my own best partner’. Tarot Magic is a tarot reading in itself, and documents Bastian’s adventures with a pack of cards designed and printed by The Collective Tarot, a creative/esoteric co-op based in Portland, Oregon.

The Collective Tarot uses images loosely based on the Rider-Waite-Smith deck. Interestingly, it contains the Suit of Bones, which I feel represents the Earth element and our questions concerning structure, support, and finding ground in a wobbly world.

Tarot is Bastian’s preferred method of engaging in healthy dialogue with herself. It’s a self-care ritual where she can safely process negative emotions and experience the ‘thing’ that has many guises – magic/intuition/instinct/gut feeling/insight/sensitivity/sixth sense/divine guidance/Universal consciousness … call it what you will. Unfortunately, there isn’t much room for magic in Western culture. Many health care workers treat magical thinking as a character defect that needs correcting, yet magic can provide answers to questions that remain unresolved despite mainstream approaches to problem solving.

Tarot, like astrology and other divinatory tools, is a creative way to check-in with yourself and re-connect with suppressed feelings. It’s an opportunity to pause and ask: ‘What am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this?’

It’s refreshing to see another esoteric zine bobbing around the sea of perzines and artist books that defines twenty-first century DIY culture. I don’t feel like the maverick so much. It requires a certain amount of bravery to produce a zine like this, so I commend Bastian for taking it on. Tarot Magic is an enchanting read, and the fact that one of our finest zine makers has created it is reason enough to go there.

Likeable Bon

Astrobabble, issue ten, has hit the streets of Sydney and Melbourne. It’s available at Red Eye Records and The Sticky Institute respectively. I have also placed a few free copies at Beyond The Ordinary in Balmain, Phoenix Rising Bookshop in Glebe, and The Buddha Bar in Newtown.

This issue completes the cycle which documents the twelve astrological signs in zine format; a project I started five years ago with the intention of cajoling a zinester with whom I was fixated. Ironically, but not surprisingly, it had the opposite effect. Still, what I gained from creating Astrobabble more than made up for my disappointment in love. Or so I keep telling myself.

Anyway, as you can see from the image above, issue ten delves into the life of renowned AC/DC front man, Bon Scott, with whom I share the Sun sign, Cancer. Bon was a thoroughly enjoyable subject to research. He is mythologised in a way that contradicts his sign, but as is usually the case with idols of the stage and screen, Bon had a vulnerable side that was often overlooked for his more appealing rock ‘n’ roll persona.

Sources abound with evidence of Bon’s polite, sensitive, and considerate nature. In many ways, he was a textbook Cancerian; a pipe and slippers man who loved his family and close friends, and abhorred the pretensions of the music establishment.

That aside, the most surprising discovery was his so called ‘toilet poetry’ that masked a talent for writing (Mercury sextile Jupiter). For years, I failed to recognise Bon’s words as anything other than mediocre. I ignored lyrics to High Voltage, Long Way to The Top, Jailbreak, Ride On, Let There Be Rock, and Highway to Hell simply because the point of AC/DC is to mindlessly rock out to the music. Thanks to a Mercury conjunct Pluto aspect, Bon took the writing of AC/DC’s lyrics responsibly and seriously, with a wit and deviousness sorely missing in song writing today.

Bon was also a prolific letter writer and sender of postcards. His correspondences reveal an intuitive feel for language, in which anecdotes are told with zest and humour. Rarely did he forget to mail Christmas and birthday cards to family and friends while he was on the road. Like a pre-office obsessed Nick Cave, Bon constantly carried a notebook and pen, jotting ideas for songs as they came to him, regardless of where he was, what he was doing, or who he was doing it to. He would have made a respectable zinester. Imagine the tales between those covers.

Astro Shite Christmas 2013 Special

Aries
You’ll have truckloads of sexual energy to carry you through the holiday season when Mars enters your love zone on 8 December. Engaging in unconscious sex is an Aries trait, so be mindful of your partner’s feelings during horizontal line dancing, unless you’re shagging your favourite tomato – you! You’re compelled to argue with Aunt Agnes over a dodgy batch of mince pies on Christmas day. Avoid the tendency to jump into squabbles without first appreciating the effort that goes into making festive puddings from scratch, douche bag.
Aries Yuletide gift: tattoo gun kit

Taurus
The coming holiday period sparks your passion for overseas adventure. With Venus retrograding in your travel sector from 22 December, you’ll spend the end of the month dreaming of exotic squeezes called Katut, and make detailed travel arrangements to coalesce in a foreign land that’s a long way from Wiley Park. Be wary of a propensity to be distressed by your Christmas presents this year, as disappointment can keep you from enjoying those elasticised Happy Socks.
Taurus Yuletide gift: mounted sand scoop and spreader

Gemini
The Gemini Full Moon on 16 December arouses your inclination for gossip, which has you blacklisted from attending the cool parties grunting on the scene at the moment. Damn. This Christmas, the Universe reminds you that hearsay needs to be balanced with fact, knowledge balanced with belief, and tuna balanced with mayo. The eclipse signals a change of job, residency, or underwear for many Twins. Oooooooh, spooky …
Gemini Yuletide gift: Boggle

Cancer
The Venus retrograde motion in your love zone from 22 December has you re-evaluating your existing romantic relationship. Mercury’s Christmas day transit asks whether you can endure another year with that dipshit whose aftershave expenditure exceeds third world debt. If you answer ‘Eight is Enough’ then the winged messenger will give you the strength to voice what isn’t working in your life; a necessary first step in telling the tosser to f@#k off and find a personality.
Cancer Yuletide gift: House In A Box

Leo
Favourable links from Mercury to your Sun between 6 and 24 December increases your confidence in planning a swell Christmas shindig at your cubicle this year. The Lion loves an audience, and this transit ensures that you’ll be the star attraction while elbow deep in turkey stuffing and cranberry sauce. Expect to receive expensive gifts from diehard fans, but avoid caving in to external pressure between 24 and 27 December, when you feel obligated to catch up with annoying relatives like Uncle Fester and Cousin Itt. What killjoys.
Leo Yuletide gift: Revlon’s Love That Red lipstick

Virgo
Your creative peak will hit on 30 December, thanks to an intense Pluto transit. Any DIY output during this time will have a concentrated edge; a touch too much for the festive season it seems. Allow yourself plenty of free time and space over the holiday period to surrender completely to creative expression. Be strong and avoid the David Jones post-Christmas sales in favour of developing your higher self.
Virgo Yuletide gift: Officeworks gift voucher

Libra
Reflect on a certain issue before taking action when Mars moves into your sign on 8 December. Decisiveness may not be your strong point now, but eventually you’ll ask Santa to send you a pair of Manolo Blahnik open toe booties rather than Louboutin pumps. Nice choice. With Venus embarking on a retrograde motion in your domestic sector from 22 December, this is the season for procrastination, which I hear makes your palms go hairy. Or blind. Or something.
Libra Yuletide gift: Moroccan Boucherouite rug

Scorpio
You’ll be a popular dude this Christmas, thanks to the New Moon’s influence in your money zone on 3 December. This is a rare opportunity to enjoy a new type of financial freedom, so take a break from your usual tight-arse behaviour and splurge on loved ones for a change. An annoying seventh house node demands that you put yourself in your neighbour’s shoes and nick off with them. You just can’t find woven espadrilles of that quality in this town, mate.
Scorpio Yuletide gift: butt plug

Sagittarius
The New Moon in your sign on 3 December highlights adventure in a swashbuckling Long John Silver kinda way. If the routine of life is deadening to the point of oblivion, this lunation inspires action. Any activity that recharges your spirit, like jumping out of fast moving vehicles into peak-hour traffic, is ideal now. Lightning bolt Uranus brings second chances for events that failed to manifest in early August. You look at the big picture between 6 and 24 December and realise that your ideas are like Broken Hill – heaving with holes.
Sagittarius Yuletide gift: flying trapeze workshop

Capricorn
Mercury enters your sign on Christmas day. This puts you in a positive frame of mind so that you can enjoy a traditional Christmas with loved ones without the usual cardio arrests. Venus moves backwards from 22 December, compelling you to overhaul your tired image of beige pants/beige cardi/beige personality, and celebrate an electrifying new look of taffeta balloon pants teemed with a Glomesh batwing top. You are mistaken for a Christmas tree, which makes a refreshing change from being mistaken for Paul Keating.
Capricorn Yuletide gift: stocks and shares

Aquarius
Celebrations are well underway for the Water Bearer this month. Unleash the inner-party animal under the New Moon on 3 December. Let the world know that you mean business by guzzling a crate of Pilsner (or ten) while slam dancing to Slipknot. Despite the agonising displays of physical gratification, a spiritual reassessment is your gift from the Gods this Christmas. I know; it isn’t as much fun as receiving a barbeque apron with fake tits, but the Ancient Wisdoms can help reveal your authentic self for what it’s worth.
Aquarius Yuletide gift: LEGO Batman headlamp

Pisces
The period December 2013/January 2014 is a perfect time to close unfinished business between you and a significant other. As 2013 ends, you’ll review your social and community obligations. Ensure that your precious time and energy are poured into the activities that matter to you. And have a Merry Christmas!
Pisces Yuletide gift: magic mushrooms

Astro Shite for November 2013

Aries
Expect unrestrained financial issues to stabilise around 18 November. Your outer life will improve as a result, so you’ll lose that just-got-out-of-bed-look without enduring a Channel Nine reality makeover. An opportunity to progress in your career comes courtesy of a Venus-Pluto power coupling in Capricorn. Chasing The Money is the blood sport of choice for many Rams this month. It beats Candy Crush, I guess.
Aries essential viewing: Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Taurus
The Full Moon in your sign on 17 November supports your inner transformation; a necessary process for the earthy Bull. Focus on the balance between body and spirit in order to gain understanding of how the two work together. Venus and Pluto entangle in a love tryst to rival Harold and Maude between 15 and 17 November. Expect to arouse penetrating feelings in others with embarrassing but sexy maneuvers. What a player! You’ll be crowing about your pulling power from 9 November under the Mercury direct motion. The last two months of 2013 are ideal times to go away, so go away.
Taurus essential viewing: Who’s Killing the Great Chefs of Europe (1978) 

Gemini
The Sun adds glamour and drama to your personal relationships from 22 November. You’ll be open to compromises without sacrificing your stylish persona. Expect to receive serious romantic attention under this transit, so make the most of the seasonal social calendar and cast your courting net. Sort out the details of your daily existence when Mercury moves forward from 9 November. Like a textbook Gemini, creating ‘to-do’ lists will be at the top of your ‘to-do’ list.
Gemini essential viewing: The Usual Suspects (1995)

Cancer
Jupiter, the planet currently occupying your constellation, retrogrades from 6 November. Activities that have flourished since June will pause until March 2014. Take time to review how certain areas of your life have developed and plan where you want to go from here. Venus enters your love zone on 6 November. Be prepared for a new phase of romance by threading your nasal hairs. A powerful eclipse hits your creativity zone on 3 November, marking a period of inspiration, illumination, revelation, stimulation, radiation …
Cancer essential viewing: Five Easy Pieces (1970)

Leo
The Sun-Saturn link between 6 and 8 November represents a reality check that helps you focus on practical issues. Be firm about Limits; will these diet biscuits really melt away the fat from your thighs? Those closest to you may need to rely on your strength, so bulk up with protein shakes and steroids. You’ll be in a playful mood when Venus enters your creativity sector on 5 November. Empower those younger and more gullible than yourself through the force of DIY, especially around 22 November, when your creative expression soars like the furious re-zoning of the inner city.
Leo essential viewing: King of Comedy (1983)

Virgo
Take charge of those irritating housemates from 22 November under the influence of the bold, gold Sun. You’ll roar like a lion at the sight of a smeared toilet bowl, and decide to make your mark on domestic life with a stock whip. The demands of household despotism take its toll between 15 and 17 November, when you decide to chillax with a Porch Crawler or two, and experience the world through not-so-serious eyes.
Virgo essential viewing: The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit (1956)

Libra
The extended Venus cycle, which begins on 6 November, has you delving into your past like a scene from It’s A Wonderful Life without the exasperating angel-half-person living in your head. You get a better understanding of how your upbringing has shaped you into the self-interested Wannabe you are today. Contender, be proud. Any possibility of a pay rise diminishes under the Jupiter retrograde motion of 6 November. You’ll have to go without your regular intake of Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion and Barclay Prime until the cycle goes direct in March 2014. Life is hard.
Libra essential viewing: Prêt-a-Porter (1994)

Scorpio
You get to the heart of a certain matter when Mercury moves forward in your sign from 9 November. Expect metaphorical light bulbs to illuminate under the Solar Eclipse of 3 November. Finally, you’re capable of original thinking. A sudden release of material from the unconscious proves to be fine fodder for your next zine project. The North Node-New Moon link represents a turning point between your past and future. Focus on what moves you forward, that is, that rusted lemon you call a car.
Scorpio essential viewing: Cruising (1980)

Sagittarius
Venus begins an extended visit to your financial sector on 6 November, a cycle that will continue in 2014. The influence of sensible Capricorn means taking calculated risks with money - foreign behaviour for spendthrift Sagittarius. From 9 November, you communicate with others through the use of acronyms and emoticons :-). Ideas need to be presented visually or emotionally under the current Mercury transit in order for you to understand WTF is going on around you :- P.
Sagittarius essential viewing: The Man Who Would Be King (1975)

Capricorn
Venus enters your sign on 6 November. You’ll reflect back on the period 2005 to early 2006 for any unfinished business that still bothers you. Reconnect with unfulfilled dreams from that time and re-commit to them as part of a new eight-year cycle. Between 22 November and 25 December, the Sun and Mercury combine to accentuate your spiritual side. Do everyone a favour and be silent for a change.
Capricorn essential viewing: Wall Street (1987)

Aquarius
A potent eclipse on 3 November brings new ideas via New Idea to your zine-making ventures. This is a powerful time of beginnings in relation to your true calling. The Universe throws you a second chance at missed opportunities after 9 November, so be prepared to jump on the short bus when it comes your way. Venus leaves your social sector on 6 November, which is a bummer considering the number of party invitations groaning on Facebook this time of year.
Aquarius essential viewing: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Pisces
Your gypsy spirit will rise to the surface from 3 November, compelling you to grow facial hair and don silver-hooped earrings. Travel plans are best organised after 9 November when Mercury goes direct, and you develop the capacity for reading maps without downloading an app. Amazing! A new social cycle begins on 6 November, thanks to gregarious Venus. Avoid freeloaders disguised as friends. ‘Boundaries’ may not be a Piscean theme, but make them one.
Pisces essential viewing: Jesus of Montréal (1989) 

Astro Shite for October 2013

Aries
The Full Moon on 19 October stresses the balance between self and others. Inequality in close relationships needs addressing and undressing under this cycle. The Mercury-Jupiter link indicates uplifting and honest conversations with a brazen and animated Air type who looks good in scarves and red lipstick. You’ll be stalking that fop in Fcuk, thanks to the loopy Venus-Uranus combo. Holiday romances are possible after 7 October, so pack a thong and a bong for that trip to Hong Kong.
Aries Goddess: Athena

Taurus
Mercury retrogrades through your relationship zone from 20 October. Take a cosmic step back from your lover, especially if they’ve ordered quince aioli for lunch, and give them breathing space and mouth wash. Act on your passions under the Mars transit from 16 October by hooking up with a skank who brings out the animal in you like a cheap aftershave commercial. Too hot or what?
Taurus Goddess: Aphrodite

Gemini
Your hips and lower back transform into penetrating erogenous zones when Venus occupies your house of romance from 8 October. Peeps can’t get enough of your lascivious love handles, so share the lovin’ around. Mars whips your home in order from 16 October with a turbo-charged hand vac that doubles as a motor scooter. Cool. You’ll be shooting the shit with some fully-sick hip hop dudes under the Lunar Eclipse of 19 October in a desperate attempt to score street cred. Stick to accounting.
Gemini Goddess: Saraswati

Cancer
The big lollapalooza concerning your domestic life this year is the Lunar Eclipse on 19 October. Observe how the private sphere influences the public domain and vice versa. Divide your time and energy equally by fixing healthy boundaries between work and home life. Embrace compartmentalisation. Contrary to commercial television, life isn’t a Yuppie vanity show. The reality for you, my Cancerian friend, is more Housos than Man Men. Cancer Goddess: Ceres

Leo
Mars boosts your money house from 16 October. Take charge of your finances by demanding a pay rise in an uncompromising Damages kinda way. Pursue new income streams by exploring opportunities along The Silk Road. Your actions will have a direct effect on your economic position, so expect to spend time in Long Bay. You act like a fruit on synthetic drugs when Venus visits your recreational zone on 7 October. Unwind from the daily grind by impersonating a police officer. Why should Chopper Read have all the fun?
Leo Goddess: Hera

Virgo
Virgos will be busy bees from 16 October under the industrious Mars transit. As you have a knack for handling a variety of tasks simultaneously, you’ll take on numerous DIY projects and accomplish them proficiently. Expect ebbs and flows in your social circle from 20 October under the Mercury retrograde motion. Communication difficulties are likely, so shift your schedule according to who better fits your agenda. Entrepreneurial ideas have the opportunity to germinate under the New Moon of 5 October, so expand your sources of income and show the world that you’re not a Born Loser (what a great zine, I thoroughly recommend it).
Virgo Goddess: Vesta

Libra
Sometimes all you need is love. The John Lennon New Moon on 5 October symbolises the need for relationships based on peace, harmony, and soaking Mung beans. Uranus opposes this transit, prompting you to break free from tired and useless traditions and explore what’s right for you. Review your bank account for cyber fraud and other catastrophes from 20 October. A close friend reveals their true colours when they wipe off that high performance line-smoothing foundation under the Eclipse of 19 October. Gross. Mars activates your spirituality sector from 16 October. Avoid self-criticism; that’s Virgo’s job.
Libra Goddess: Themis

Scorpio
Mercury retrogrades in your sign from 20 October. Listen to the subtle messages from deep within your gut generated by last night’s meal consisting of green curry, a crate of Belgian beer, a block of Gouda, and a box of Choo-Choo bars. OMG! Get your fat arse moving on that sorry zine by 16 October if you want to avoid artistic obscurity. You’ll be in a gregarious and laidback mood now that the year is winding down. Put on your cape and go batman all the way to Christmas.
Scorpio Goddess: Durga

Sagittarius
With Venus occupying your sign from 8 October, you’ll be hankering to expand your range of experience through a significant other. Sombre nine-to-five types bore you now. Who cares about negative gearing and the price of eggs when there’s a world out there waiting to be explored with someone hot and willing? Mercury animates your mystery zone from 20 October. You ask life’s big questions: Who am I? What is my purpose? Do I have spinach on my teeth? Deep. The Lunar Eclipse of 19 October demands that you express yourself authentically. Emotions peak under this transit. Accept them as cues from your inner self to create more and dawdle less.  
Sagittarius Goddess: Epona

Capricorn
Lifetime learning, teaching, or writing ambitions need attention under the Mars transit of 16 October. If you have supressed these passions, now is the time to act on them. Keep your promises to your mates on 7 and 29 October when Mercury aligns with Saturn. Deepen your spiritual side through daily ritual practises from 7 October: zine-making in bed (horizontal); typewriting while standing in your bathroom (vertical); and note taking during painful episodes of The Bachelor (tilted).
Capricorn Goddess: Diana

Aquarius
Mercury retrogrades through your career zone from 20 October. Review how f^%*@d your job is, and make plans to progress to something less s@#t. You’re unlikely to see the truth about financial dealings between 18 and 21 October, when a convict in a bomber jacket spikes your Martini and pilfers your watch collection. Despite the tribulations, you’re more diplomatic than usual, thanks the Venus cycle on 7 October. Remaining slightly detached from the dramas of the month will keep you sane to say the least.
Aquarius Goddess: Lakshmi

Pisces
Mars in your relationship sector from 16 October demands that you take charge and make things happen on a romantic level. From 7 October, Venus offers you the opportunity to spit and polish your talents before promoting them to the world. The Eclipse across your money axis on 19 October helps rebalance income and expenses.  Review DIY projects under the Mercury retrograde from 20 October. Must you create that zine on performance air filters and intercoolers? Really?
Pisces Goddess: Mary