Your most potent period for love and romance starts 16 August,
when Venus visits your seventh house. Under this transit, one-on-one
relationships appeal to you more than casual flings. Your insufferable
narcissistic personality disorder dissolves as you become willing to compromise
and make peace with your significant other. The Mars cycle from 28 August
supplies you with the drive and confidence to forge ahead with neglected zine
Aries God: Mars
Mercury supports desperately needed home renovation projects between 8 and 23 August, urging you to take action with that humpy you call
home. Unfinalised decisions need to be settled and implemented around 28
August, when Mars muscles in on your comfort zone. You’ll be wordsmith
extraordinaire when Mercury leaves your domestic sector for your creativity
zone on 23 August. This transit establishes your place as the Oscar Wilde of
the zine world, complete with a dapper silk smoking jacket and encyclopaedic
knowledge of poke bonnets. Bugger me!
Taurus God: Bacchus
Your ruling planet, Mercury, is at his mischievous best from 23
August. You’ll make a lasting impression in your two-toned Winklepickers, gold stovepipe
pants, and skinny green tie. The Sun and Mercury combine forces to accentuate
your personal sphere from 22 August. Under the Sun’s influence, you envision
revamping your image along the lines of Aunty Jack or Tiny Tim. Make that dream
happen with a fat suit and football socks.
Gemini God: Hermes
The emotional tsunami that overwhelmed most Cancerians last month
should dissipate, thanks to the New Moon on 6 August. Jupiter is doing his duty
of expanding your pathetic little world by teaming up with Uranus around 16
August. Stay focused on your long-term vision by only accepting offers that
align with your purpose. Venus visits your home environment mid-month. Beautify
your Toowoon Bay hogan with shrunken heads and buffalo skins. Jupiter and Pluto
face-off between 4 and 11 August. Like that John Travolta-Nicholas Cage film of
the same name, the balance of power within your intimate relationships needs
reworking. Now that I think of it, this may be the plot to an entirely
different film, but you get my drift.
Cancer God: Indra
The Leo New Moon on 6 August highlights the Lion archetype. You
may not be King of the Jungle, but you are King of Kongs Jungle Lounge. Sweet. Leadership and strength come readily
after a few rounds of Flaming Lamborghinis. The New Moon aligns with Uranus,
showing that unconventional ideas are the way forward. Break with tradition as
you break wind. Mars follows Mercury into your sign. Progress is powerful as
you observe the Rizzeria printer spit out a few of your DIY nuggets. Financial
education becomes indispensable after 23 August. This transit should curb your
extravagant spending habits to a certain degree, but I doubt it.
Leo God: Apollo
Virgo, you’ll be chuffed to know that others will acknowledge your
brainpower when Mercury enters your sign on 23 August. Hot damn, you make
intelligence sexy! The Venus cycle from 16 August improves your financial
situation. Finally, you’ll be able to restock your beauty and grooming pantry
with roll-on wax, lime plaster, and sand paper for a more desirable you. Make
the savvy move to splurge on modern art as an investment: Archipenko, Bobomazov,
Diebenkorn, Hundertwasser, Nieuwenhuys, Rauschenberg
… yeah, we get it; you know stuff.
Virgo God: Vulcan
The Sun-New Moon link of 6 August demands that you put old
friendship dramas behind you. Turn over a new fig leaf with your mates and go
nude kayaking together. Venus in your sign from 16 August morphs you into the
Purple People Pleaser. You adapt your personality to suit others and lose your
identity in the process. Look to your polar opposite, Aries, for tips on
regaining your individuality by acting like a selfish git. Mars encourages you
to step into leadership, Gangnam Style, from 28 August. Finding inner peace
helps you deal with worldly situations when the Sun and Mercury infiltrate your
spiritual zone from 23 August.
Libra God: Rama
Mars swings his dick through your professional sector from 28
August. You become an intolerable knob, as confidence and arrogance drives you
to succeed at any cost. Mercury and the Sun energise your social sector from 23
August. Stand out from the crowd like a buffoon in a clown suit. After two
demanding years of disciplined spiritual practise, Mercury and Venus lighten
the load by drawing you into a weekend satanic cult. You quit after admitting that
going Skyclad and sacrificing goats on a Sunday arvo’ isn’t really your scene.
Scorpio God: Shiva
You are able to think quickly on your feet, thanks to favourable
links from Mercury and Mars to your Sun. Finally, you have something noteworthy
to say that doesn’t involve your impressive achievements or buff body. A need
for freedom arises between 15 and 26 August under the Jupiter-Uranus link. Burn
your tummy shape-wear garments and liberate yourself from restrictive
situations. Your chosen life direction comes under scrutiny between 4 and 11
August with the Jupiter-Pluto opposition. If you have made compromises to go
with the flow of dead fish, then this can be a time of frustration and bad hair
days. Reclaim your power, follow your true calling, and eliminate those fishy
smells with white vinegar.
Sagittarius God: Chiron
The Sun and Mercury invigorate your ninth house from 23 August.
You seek a higher purpose that leads you to experiences beyond guerrilla
photocopying and knitting tea cosies. The details of daily life bore you
shitless under this transit. Whitening your teeth and itemising your Telstra
bill are low on the list of priorities now that Mercury asks you to rethink
your personal philosophy. Missing dental appointments, getting lost in your own
home and other forms of amnesia are messages from the Universe requiring you to
examine the Big Picture.
Capricorn God: Saturn
The Aquarius Full Moon on 21 August highlights the balance between
personal passions and group connections. This eclipse raises questions
regarding the value of individual talent if it’s not put to collective use.
What a perfect cycle for you to astound the nation with your scat-gargling
skills on Australia’s Got Talent. Venus shines under this Full Moon, so
apply plenty of bronzer for that muddy Oompa Loompa look. Mercury enters your
relationship zone on 9 August and asks that you remove lipstick from your teeth
before snogging that bogan from Bexley.
Aquarius God: Vishnu
The Sun and Mercury light up your house of romance from 23 August.
If you have been neglecting your intimate relationships, this transit propels
you to pay particular attention to them. If you’re single, cut back on work, Zumba
classes, and Four’N Twenty pies to focus on meeting new people. You’ll
have success after 23 August with Mercury ensuring that crafty pick-up lines
will get your leg over.
Pisces God: Mithras