Astro Shite for July 2013

Aries
A little effort goes a long way, thanks to Mars and Jupiter supporting your plans between 19 and 24 July. Risky choices pay off as you turn tests into opportunities. Last month’s domestic theme continues with large-scale developments of the Lend Lease kind. This will be your most dynamic period this year. Don’t bother leaving the house – all the action you need will be found under your roof. Mercury and the Sun join forces in your fifth house from 23 July, triggering productive zine-making activity. I feel a Golden Stapler Award coming on …
Aries with Lead Singer Disease: Steve Tyler (Aerosmith)

Taurus
Saturn goes direct in your relationship zone on 7 July. Grow up and take the time to understand and develop your significant relationships. This month’s potent transits involving the personal planets of Mercury, Venus, and Mars will begin a cycle that will carry you into October. You begin to value the aesthetics of your abode, and if the energy is unbalanced, the Universe will bless you with skills to create a harmonious and stable domestic atmosphere. This is an ideal transit for earning income from home (bedroom zine distro anyone?).
Taurus with Lead Singer Disease: Bono (U2)

Gemini
Neptune arouses your desire to be of service through your work between 14 and 20 July. To the detriment of economic liberalism, you take from the greedy and give to the needy like a modern day Ben Hall with computer hacking skills. The Mars-Jupiter combo from 13 July is your most active money period this year. You’ll be a financial force to be reckoned with after reading Kochie's Creating and Building Real Wealth Like An Annoying Morning Show Presenter.
Gemini with Lead Singer Disease: Prince (Prince)

Cancer

The New Moon in your sign on 8 July is emphasised by the transits of Jupiter and Mercury. ‘Self-love’ and ‘self-care’ are strong themes this month. Mars enters Cancer on 14 July, bringing a six-week boost of energy and confidence to any zine project you undertake. Build it and they will come. The Sun’s transit transforms you into a dynamo and you are mistaken for laundry detergent.
Cancer with Lead Singer Disease: Courtney Love (Hole)

Leo

The Full Moon in your relationship house on 23 July illuminates the grand trine between Saturn, Neptune, and Jupiter. Romantic possibilities present themselves on a cheese platter. This transit has a masculine tone that propels you to scratch your balls and blast the arse trumpet occasionally. Mars joins Jupiter in your spiritual zone from 13 July. This cycle is about release, so wherever you may be, let your air go free.
Leo with Lead Singer Disease: James Hetfield (Metallica)

Virgo

Venus enters you sign on 23 July. Express love for your better half by making mental notes of their likes (Tee Vee chocolate biscuits) and dislikes (Italian-style artichokes). You’ll be wired to communicate your feelings openly and honestly under this transit. Mars demands that you take charge and organise a zine collective at the dark end of the local public library. The Sun and Mars follow each other through your spirituality sector from 22 July. Allow empty space to fill that over-stimulated mind of yours and pause …
Virgo with Lead Singer Disease: Liam Gallagher (Oasis, Beady Eye)

Libra
This month, think less and do more. The rare meeting of Mars and Jupiter in your tenth house stresses that you act on life direction. This is an ideal cycle for launching professional projects. Try new strategies in the office, like hovering around the photocopier with a peacock feather up your arse. Work-related study and travel are possible after impressing senior management with your shimmering plumage.
Libra with Lead Singer Disease: David Lee Roth (Van Halen)

Scorpio

Saturn goes direct in your sign on 7 July. You are free to move forward in your quest for intimacy and control, only now you possess insight into the subliminal impulses that drive you. The Sun shines in your tenth house from 22 July. Recognise your need for authority without acting like a complete bastard. It can be done. Your financial situation should stabilise around 13 July. Set healthy money limits by sleeping throughout July. Mars and Jupiter provide that once-in-a-lifetime experience mid-month. Wake up and live the dream.
Scorpio with Lead Singer Disease: Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Sagittarius
The grand trine involving your ruler (Jupiter) signals spiritual evolution, especially between 13 and 20 July. Develop intuitive skills. Follow your instincts. Chant a lot. You’ll be able to harmonise with external situations that you once found too daunting to manage. The Sun activates your ninth house from 22 July. Like a true Sagittarian, you have your eye on the horizon. Your thirst for knowledge extends beyond the random Googling of facts. Outshine radio 2GB disciples in your quest for wisdom by venturing beyond the Big Motherfuckin’ Sad.
Sagittarius with Lead Singer Disease: Jim Morrison (The Doors)

Capricorn

The Saturn-Jupiter-Neptune trine uplifts your spirits like a few cold cases of Monteith’s Summer Ale. You take on the world with a new perspective before crashing and snoring. Boldly approach that Neanderthal you fancy under the Mars transit on 13 July. Sometimes you just gotta grab ‘em by the pubes and drag ‘em back to your cave. This cycle sets you up romantically for the next two years. Holiday flings are likely under the Venus transit from 22 July.
Capricorn with Lead Singer Disease: Paul Stanley (KISS)

Aquarius

July is the month of turning points, thanks to the Jupiter-Neptune-Saturn trine. Saturn helps restructure your working life. Finally, peeps appreciate that you are Very Busy and Important. Take the time to plan professional goals. Consider where you would like to be in seven years, and take the first steps now. The Full Moon in your sign on 23 July reminds you to focus on your significant other, because ‘you’re not a camel’ … or is that ‘you can’t live on bread alone’? Whatever.
Aquarius with Lead Singer Disease: Axl Rose (Guns n Roses)

Pisces

The grand trine will affect how you go about your bees wax between 13 and 24 July. This is a powerful period of growth and evolution. Focus on your heart’s desire. Mars joins Jupiter on 13 July for intense creativity. Self-expression grows as you don a raspberry beret and grow a Chinstrap. The secret to success is to keep moving and not be side-tracked by Facebook notifications. You will feel the love from 22 July when Venus transits your seventh house. Shape up romantically by shedding that frumpy onesie and squeezing into a sexy satin Babydoll.
Pisces with Lead Singer Disease: Pete Doherty (The Libertines, Babyshambles)